Nob Stewart

If ye are lookin' for political correctness, ye kin fuck aff!

"Aricht folks, hope ye hiv enjoyed ma free shit oot there on the net. If ye want tae sample some Poems fae ma yet tae be released Poetry Book FUNNY CUNT,  then yer as lucky as fuck!"

Why? Cause a' am aboot tae offer ye jist that as
an ethical bribe fur yer email address!

A' hiv written a book ae poems, Would ye like a sample?
Ye dinnae hae tae give me money, Yer email address is ample
The poems aw tell a' story, The first yin bein'
Funny Cunt Aboot ma debut attempt at comedy, Where a' wiz the litter ae the runt

The next yin's aboot ma Rock Star goal As a way tae get a sexy wife
A' thought by signin' a deal wi' the Devil A'd be free ae trouble an' strife
Ye would believe the trouble a' had The time ma cock got incredibly itchy
When a' chatted up the sexy Nurse She became the epitome ae bitchy

Every year at Xmas a' get spots But at least ma face doesnae turn blue
Remember when ye 'hink life is shit There is aye'ways someone worse aff then yoo
So enter yer details in the form An' a'll send ye the sample book
Hopefully yoo'll get a chuckle or twa An' a'll hiv got ye by the hook

Cause really ma ultimate aim Aftir a' gie ye access tae ma blog
Is tae upgrade ye tae ma paid shit An' see whit else a' kin flog
But we'll no' get intae the richt noo A' jist like tae pit ma cards on the table
A'm noo like the other Guru's oot there Whae try tae sign ye up on a fable

Really though, a' jist want tae help Ye could even be ma affiliate
An' taegethir we could tell the system We nae longer wish tae associate
So a' look forward tae seein' ye on the inside By that, a' dinnae mean jail
Some ae ma members get a bit carried awa' Aftir they hear me rant an' wail!

Whit the hell are ye waitin' fur? Enter yer details below
Ye'll get access tae ma book An' we'll aw be guid tae go!!!

Cheers the noo!!

Funny Cunt Sample

Get Access To Tales Of Disaster From The Woeful World Of Nob Stewart

Funny Cunt - A poem about Nobs first comedy gig which didn't go exactly to plan....mainly because he didn't have one!

Rock Star - A poem about Nobs feeble attempts at becoming a Rock Star. He goes for guitar and singing lessons in a bid to convince himself he has enough talent for a shot at the big time.

Itchy Willy - Nob got off the bus and noticed a severe twitching in his groin area. A hasty trip to the local hospital was in order to see if a Sexy Nurse could solve the problem.

Xmas Spots - Every year at Xmas Nob comes out in a rash of spots due to the stress of his wife's spending. Unfortunately, the remedy didn't turn out too well.

Nob PHH Photos Edinburgh (16)
Nob PHH Photos Edinburgh (6)

About The Author - Nob Stewart

Nob Stewart is Scotlands Greatest Living Psychopath!

Nob has limited talents but tries to use them as best he can in a bid to avoid the real world and the rat race.

Fortunately he is almost unemployable, unless you are going to pay him to talk shite, so he has had to revert to that in order to try and feed himself and his family.

Yep, they go hungry most nights and if it wasn't for his mother sending him direct debits he would be totally fucked.

Still, God loves a tryer and so hopefully he won't look too badly upon his other antics when he reaches the Pearly Gates.

"A'm an Ordinary Punter wi' ma mind Turned On
A' am tuned tae a High Frequency
A'm an Ordinary Punter Pickin' Up The Signals
A' Communicate Directly wi' me!

.......mainly cause nae cunt else will listen tae me."

So sign up for a sample of his work and who knows maybe you'll even be able to become friends with him.....well, at least on the CIA Data Mining Website that is Facebook.
Disclaimer: Nob writes from his heart and doesn't let social programming or political correctness get in the way of telling his tales or expressing his views. They are just words after all and if you choose to be offended by which order he puts them that is your tough titties.

Nob would rather you click away now if you get shocked by hardcore truths and uncomfortable facts as he doesn't want any sheeple on his back bitching about shit they don't understand in order to give their ego some illusion of control or thrill of righteous indignation moral outrage.

However, if you are a reasonable person who isn't afraid of drinking what others fear to swallow then you are most welcome to get the sample book.
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